feeling lonely

This weekend is Mrqt weekend and it is so hard knowing that so many of my friends that don't live by me anymore are only 2 hours away and I won't even see them! Yesterday was such an emotional roller coaster. I started off having a decent day but around dinner time I was just a wreck. I was feeling so sad and upset and I didn't even know why! And I did not have enough patience with Ryder, who was just being his normal energetic self but I found myself getting so irritated at the littlest things! I yelled at him because he got water all over the floor when he was helping me with dishes (he always gets water on the floor, I mean come on Tahnee he's two!) which made him start crying and that in turn made me start crying! Poor little guy took one look at me crying and ran right over, gave me a big hug and said "I sorry mommy, no cry mommy!" I felt a little better after we cuddled and rocked for a while and then Heather, Liz and Kelly came over and I cheered right up. It was so nice to catch up with them all at once, we haven't all hung out together in a while!  When John and I were getting ready for bed, Mal texted me pics of her, Erica and Ju and right away the waterworks started again! I think I made John a little nervous because I was crying so hard I couldn't even tell him what was wrong. But being the husband of an emotional wreck has him pretty well trained I guess because he picked up that I was feeling lonely right away, even before I could put a finger on it! Life sure can throw curveballs at you and one of the hardest things is when you and your best friends all live at least 7 hours (and more) away! I'm usually okay with it (change is the only constant in life anyway) because we talk, text, facebook and every time we get together we just pick up where we left off. But knowing that they were all only 2 hours away from me and all together made me really really wish I was there too!
I gave John the whole sob story about missing my friends and how hard it was/is to move up north where I didn't really know anyone, get married right away, have my friends move away and try to make new friends all without having my family close by. Then my sister Jacey texted me. More sobbing as I told John how much I missed my family (ah I am tearing up again just writing this!) and my Grandma K and all my cousins and aunts and uncles etc. and how I know that whenever I need them they will be there for me, but it's the little things I miss like the nerdy family jokes and watching the Tigers and Wings games with my Grandma and just SEEING everyone all the time and knowing what is going on in their lives and them knowing what's going on in mine. I guess it's hard sometimes having all those memories and knowing that they are going to stay memories because that's not what my life is anymore. I know I will continue to make new ones and that I will cherish them just as much, but sometimes change can just be so hard. Especially when it hits you late at night when you are 9 months pregnant and an over-emotional person anyway. Sigh. Well hopefully writing this will help me get out of the funk I've fallen into. I have been so tired all day and pretty much counting down the minutes til my family comes up here (13 days!!!). If you actually read this whole post you are probably thinking oh just grow up already and accept that change can be hard. Don't worry, I'm trying ;)