Tuesday, July 13, 2010
This July has been so incredibly busy! And yet it's only half over! My sister Jacey came to stay with us for three weeks this summer and I am so glad she came! I am so happy to be able to spend time with her again. I've missed her! I had big plans for the weeks she was here but most kind of fell through, as plans have a way of doing. But it has been so fun to just chat and hang out with her! She is so good with Ryder and has been such an incredible help since my miscarriage. I don't know what I'm going to do without her when she leaves! The house will feel so empty and I know that Rydes is going to miss being entertained by his Auntie Jacey! 4th of July weekend was a pretty busy weekend for us. John, Ryder, Jacey and I went to the Lake Linden fireworks on the 2nd, the parade on the 3rd followed by a picnic with the Hyrkas fam and then up to Copper Harbor on the 4th! We drove up Brockway Mtn. and walked around Copper Harbor. Then came the fireworks! They are so cool because they shoot them over the water and you have to look almost straight up to see them because they are right overhead. They are incredible! Of course Ryder slept through them (I don't know how, they were so loud!) as he has done with the last 3 firework shows we've been to (bridgefest, balloonfest, LL fireworks and then 4th of July). Ryder has been the busiest of us all. Just a couple days ago he stood on his own for the first time! For about ten heart-pounding(for me!) seconds! I was so excited and proud of him that I immediately called my mom to brag. She told me that he would be walking before I knew it. And what do you know, he took his first steps three minutes later! Jacey and I seriously screamed we were so proud!!! And that's not all. Just today he said his first words! (I KNOW!) We were at Wal-Mart and John was pushing the cart, which Ryder was sitting in. John turned away to look at an item on the shelf and Ryder looked right at him and very loudly and clearly said "Dada!" He then waited expectantly for a response. And a response he got! He has been babbling "dadada" for a while with some bababa's and motorboat sounds thrown in too but that was the first time he ever said it as an actual word. John's grin was from ear to ear :) I cannot believe how fast he is growing up! It is so amazing and a little scary; where has my baby boy gone? Even his personality has really took root and shows. He is such a busy little troublemaker! And his grins and kisses just melt my heart. I love my little guy! Now we are getting ready to go camping with the Kantolas. I've been waiting for this all summer and I'm so excited! If only the food would make itself, the house would clean itself, the car would pack itself, and the laundry would do itself! While I'm wishing I may as well wish for new carpet too... :]
As always, life has its ups and downs and I've had my share of both in the last couple of weeks. Finding out that I was expecting was so exciting. I could barely believe that I was going to soon be a mother of two! When you find out that you're pregnant you right away think of the end result, meeting that precious little baby in nine months. My pregnancy with Ryder was so trouble-free that I didn't even think anything could ever happen. So I was in total shock when I started bleeding. My heart literally jammed into my throat and my stomach dropped. I can't even begin to describe that feeling. The first thing I did was call my mom and I just started bawling. I know that it's not uncommon to bleed during a pregnancy but I just knew that something was wrong. Even just writing this I'm starting to tear up! I ended up going to the E.R. where they did an ultrasound. I felt so numb waiting for the doctor to come back with the results. John was thinking positive (as he always does :)...) but something felt wrong. When the doctor told us that we had lost the baby I started crying all over again. I kept thinking "I already knew it was going to be bad news so why am I reacting like this?" but to have my feelings confirmed meant that even the tiniest bit of hope that I had was now gone. I cried for the baby that had been lost and for the loss of the future that I had already started envisioning. Now, more than ever, I realize how blessed I am to have such a loving and caring family. If not for the support of my husband and mom and all my family and friends I would have been so lost in this trial. They have helped and are helping me accept my pain and move on. I know it's going to be a long journey. Being around people who are pregnant or just had a baby and hearing them talk about everything is really hard but I just smile because I truly am happy for them and I save my tears for later. I realize now what a miracle pregnancy really is and I know that I am so unbelievably blessed that God has given me such a wonderful son already. Ryder is a happy, healthy, growing little boy. What more can I ask for?