Crossing my fingers we make it til Monday..

Both boys have what I am guessing is RSV (it's going around like crazy up here) and I am really hoping we can get in to the docs tomorrow without ending up in the ER tonight. Yeah it's that bad. Mostly because our 2 year old has asthma and our 3 month old is, well, 3 months old! Always scary when those little guys get sick. Poor kiddo has lost his cry :(

He technically isn't 3 months old until tomorrow. It's crazy how much faster time passes when you have a good baby! We tried out the Bumbo the other day but he screamed the moment I put him in there so for now I'm just letting Ryder sit in it since apparently it's way cooler than his own chair haha :]

On a totally random note: It's amazing what a new pair of jeans can do to your confidence! I still have about 12 lbs to lose from my pregnancy so all my old jeans fit a little weird. When we were downstate last weekend I finally went out and bought 2 new pairs of jeans that fit well and I just love them! It was kind of hard to justify buying new jeans but I am so glad I did. Now I don't spend a half hour agonizing over my unflattering wardrobe every time I get dressed. I'm down to only about 20 minutes ;-)

John and Ryder are cuddled up watching old Tom and Jerry cartoons on Youtube while Ryder has his millionth breathing treatment, Carson is asleep in his swing and I am about to go scour Pintrest for some easy craft ideas to do while I'm stuck in the house.

that's all for now folks!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

..or something like that.
Does that even make sense? Idk. Anyway. My two-year-old just found a bag of M&Ms that I had hidden on myself and promptly forgot about (which is most likely why it was still hidden. Chocolate, even of the hidden variety, does not last long in this household). Needless to say, we are eating ourselves into a chocolate induced coma. Well he is, I am following the rules of me and my mom's Disney Diet and eating only one serving size. Did you know that one serving size of regular M&Ms is 1/4 cup? I did not know that either. You may be thinking to  yourself that 1/4 cup is actually a lot of M&Ms. I made the same mistake. I think in my head I overestimate the size of a 1/4 cup measuring cup. In my mind's eye I see what appears to be a 1/4 cup but is actually a 1/2 cup in disguise. Hence the need for the Disney Diet.. I have no portion control.

What is the Disney Diet you may ask? It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds. Well really diets never sound exciting but back to the point here.. my mom and I realized that since we are headed on a family vaca to Disney World this May (YAY!!) we have to be swimsuit-ready by then. By MAY! There a distinct possibility that there will still be snow up here in May. And since I have no real desire to be seen in a swimsuit in May all pastey white and out of shape and carrying those pesky extra pounds from pregnancy next to all the tanned Floridians (or let's face it, the untanned and burnt tourists because who really lives in Florida anyway besides old people) we started the Disney Diet. So really it's a regular old diet dressed up as something special since Disney World is involved and everyone loves Disney World. I love Disney World and I haven't even been there yet. BUT I will be there is a few months hopefully looking thinner and more in shape than I do now! Not much I can do about the pasteyness since fake tans aren't really my thing but hey.

Back to the original topic: No I didn't really let Ryder eat himself into a chocolate-induced coma mostly because I love my chocolate too much to let him eat it all and also because I love my child and care for his well-being. That should have come first. Haha um yeah

Life changing moment of the day: I read a blog post about door holding. It really did change my life. I now know that there is at least one other person in this world who holds doors open for people out of the kindness of their heart but also harbors extreme anxiety about this task. Does this person even want you to hold the door open for them? Will they appreciate it? Are they too far away so I end up standing here for an uncomfortable amount of time waiting for them just so they don't have to push the door open? Oh shoot they were too far away but now it's too late and I have to stand here like a moron and hold the door open for an uncomfortable amount of time because if I turn and run now the door will slam in their face. Oh double shoot because now they are hurrying to the door because they, too, have realized that I am holding the door for an uncomfortable amount of time and now they feel rushed and have to run when all along they were just mosy-ing their way through life at their own pace until someone (me) intervened and made them hurry and now they feel they are not the master of their own fate and will have to go to therapy for at least 12 years costing them thousands of dollars and making them lose their home, their firstborn child and their dignity. All because of me.
As you can see this is a very complicated act of kindness.
But after reading that blog post I have come to terns with my anxiety and am in the process of following her guidelines in avoiding the awkwardness. If any of you reading this blog (if there is actually anyone who reads this blog) are in the same door-holding boat as me then I highly suggest you read the blog. It's on HelloGiggles.com and it's written by Eliza Hurwitz and I don't really know how to direct you there because I read it from Facebook. But I'm sure you'll find it, that's what those handy dandy little search bars were invented for! And if you are not in the same boat as me you should still go read it and other blog posts by her because she is hilarious and I love her writing stye.
Oh I really am a moron.. you can just go to hellogiggles.com/elizahurwitz to see all her posts. I looked that up for you, aren't I helpful?

Both boys over here have RSV so we are pretty much stuck at home for the foreseeable future and I am going a little crazy. Yes this is a disclaimer ;-)

toodles :]

another Sunday spent sick

alliterations make me smile :)
On a not-so-happy note, we haven't been able to make it to church since Christmas. (insert very unhappy face here) Every weekend someone is sick. This week it was John who woke up at night with a queasy stomach. Last week it was me with my FOURTH breast infection since Carse was born. The week before it was me with the flu. The week before it was me with a breast infection and Ryder puking. Also, Ryder has had a steady cold since we went downstate for Christmas (he has asthma so colds are big concern with him. This is only the second cold he's had since being born that he didn't start wheezing from so I'm trying not to complain about the snotty mess too much) and Carson has had a cold since he was born. sigh. We have not been a healthy family lately. Cold and flu season is kicking my butt.

Today has been a day of ups and down. Actually this whole week has been that way.

Last night and the night before the whole family had a powwow in our bed at 2:30am. Both nights. I am exhausted to say the least. Ryder has always had trouble staying asleep (night terrors, nightmares, sleep not-quite-walking-but-rolling-around-and-sitting-up etc) but these last few nights he has been waking up wide awake and rarin to go. Plus Carso has been staying awake for extended amounts of time at night too. Like being awake from 11pm til 1 or 2am. I am beyond sick of hearing "Good thing you don't need much sleep right?" GRRRR. Yes, I am a night owl and can never fall asleep before midnight, but this means that when I wake up at 6 or 7am with the kids I am totally exhausted. I function because I have to function. When you are a mom whose kids don't sleep well you don't get to just take naps or sleep in (no duh lol) and you still have to do all the things you would do if you actually got sleep every now and then. But I'll not get any more in detail about that or I'll spend this whole post ranting.

I finally got around to organizing (most) or the kids clothes this week. Switching out the outgrown stuff and bringing in the new. It's crazy how fast they grow. Carson is already in 3-6 month clothes!!! He is such a big boy, I can't wait to see how huge he is at his 2 month checkup this week. Organizing the clothes got them out of my room and into their appropriate dressers and closets so now you can actually see the bedroom floor. Instant mood-lifter-upper :)

My lemon spinach lasagna dinner totally flopped. :( or actually more like >:( because flopped dinners make me crabby. Well they make me crabby when I'm sleep-deprived.. normally I can usually see the humor in the sitch. Not today. Major downer.

Right now John is taking Ryder for a drive and some father-son time. This makes me happy :)

The end.

well this is embarrasing...

Carson is already 2 months old and I haven't written on here since before he was born! Well let's just get started then, shall we?
We went in to get induced on Sunday November 6th. I don't know why my doc picked a Sunday but hey it worked. I was trying very hard not to freak out on the way there (nerves, excitement, nerves, excitement...you get the idea.) so I called my mom and she calmed me down and told me everything I was feeling was normal and was pretty much what she went through on every trip to the hospital to deliver. THANKS MOM! :D Anyway so we got there for noon, got settled in our room and started the pitocin. Or whatever that drug that they give you to start labor is called. Then we sat around waiting for the doctor to decide to break my water. His wife had just had a baby and was going home that day so he was running back and forth between his house and the hospital. Finally, around 5 o'clock, he broke my water and the fun began! I can use "fun" because it's been a whole 2 months since I went through it *wink* Contractions started pretty much right away and our amazing nurse Tina was, well, amazing with helping me through them. I had terrible back labor with Ryder and barely tried to go without an epidural but this time around I wanted to give it a shot. John and I had taken a labor and delivery class before Ryder was born but I didn't really remember anything from it. When the Tina asked what my plans were for pain management I asked her about options I had. (It's amazing what a difference it makes the second time around! With Ryder I wouldn't have even know or thought to ask!) I brought it up that I was maybe possibly thinking about going without pain meds and she was right away super supportive. She listened to my fears (that I would be a sobbing, screaming, tv-like mess) and told me that she knew I could do it. She was seriously an amazing nurse, she told me that I could totally go without an epidural but left the decision up to me and didn't make me feel pressured to go without. After a lot of hemming and hawing, I decided to try and go without. (Yikes!) When the contractions started getting worse, we got on the birthing ball --I say we because hauling my butt off the bed and onto the ball all the while dealing with contractions was a three person job let me tell ya-- and started breathing. I didn't remember any breathing techniques so Tina showed me the he-he-he-hooo way (or as John kept calling it the "three he's and a ho" way haha) and we went from there. John and Tina took turns massaging my back and both breathed through the contractions with me. When it got bad enough that I didn't want to talk in between the contractions I started getting a little cranky. Tina told me it was totally normal to reach a point where I didn't want to be touched and I didn't any talking going on because I needed silence to focus. Yep, I was there. So John and Tina stayed quiet and breathed with me and all the nurses that came and went spoke in whispers. A little part of my brain that was (obviously) not totally focused on breathing thought it was pretty cool that when I wanted silence, there was silence. I kinda felt like a queen. Until the next contraction came that is ;) About ten minutes after they broke my water I was dilated to 6-7cm (not hard when you started at a 5) and by 7:00 the contractions were one on top of the other so they checked me again. Still at a 6-7. Whew. I was grabbing John's hand so hard that I think I might have left a few bruises. Each time a contraction came I would just dig my fingers as hard as I could. Props to John because he just smiled and said I could hold on as hard as I wanted, which I did. What a great hubby I have :)  At this point it was hard for me to focus because I was so frustrated that I hadn't progressed at all and I wasn't getting any rest between contractions anymore. After a couple "I don't know if I can do this!" moments --at one point (the only time I was not too happy with him during my labor) John told me "You can do it. You don't need an epidural!". Grrr. Tina quickly stepped in with "You don't know how she's feeling. Try to be supportive no matter her decision." and in my head I was all "Yeah, TRY and be supportive" haha :) --anyway, after a couple "I don't know if I can do this!" moments I decided to get the epidural. Now, this being Sunday and all, the anesthesiologist was on call so they had warned me it would be take about 20 minutes for him to get here and then a bit more for him to get me ready and give me the epidural. When Tina stepped out to call the anesthesiologist another nurse mouthed to John that she didn't think there was time for me to get the epidural. I didn't know this until after, which might have been a good thing.  So I was just (barely) hanging on until the epidural came when, whoops, time to push! The nurses quickly hauled me onto the bed and checked me. Yep, time to go. They kept telling me not to push and to just breathe through it. I was none too happy about that. This was the most painful part. It seemed to go on forever and was the closest I came to totally losing it because um hello I need to push NOW and you won't let me! What horrible people! Lol :) I didn't know what was going on until after but at this point I was obviously going to have the baby any minute and my doctor wasn't there yet so they rushed the E.R. doctor up from downstairs so the nurses wouldn't have to deliver the baby. If I was a nurse I would have been telling me to breathe through it too. Back to me. I was kind of freaking out and losing focus in my attempt to not push and I even swore once. Oops. At least it was only one time ;) John said in between all my not-pushes I apologized for being mean. Haha I am such a polite person with even-keeled emotions :P Afterwards the nurses assured me I was nothing compared to most of their patients, which made me feel a little better. During my not-pushes a tiny easily-ignored part of me was telling the bigger not-so-easily-ignored part of me that I was acting like a two year old. Guess which part won? ;)

Finally a random (to me, he was actually the E.R. doc but I didn't know that and I didn't really care to question why he was there at the time either.) guy told me I could push. "Thank You!" That got a few chuckles from the nurses. Five --and yes I mean five-- pushes later Carson Paul Hyrkas was born! 8lbs 10oz 21inches at 7:44pm :) :) :)

And I was actually glad my doctor didn't make it to deliver me because I didn't really like him anyway.

That's all for today because the reason I haven't updated this blog in forever is crying and wants to eat :)