whats new with me...

Not too much! Actually so much has been going on but in the end nothing has changed. Make any sense to you? Yeah, me neither. So here is the story of my life (okay its just a little tiny part of it). Let me start at the beginning. At the end of June/beginning of July they told me I had what is called a molar pregnancy. I had a D&C in July and then started going in every week to get my blood tested for the pregnancy hormone. Supposedly, it would drop down to zero (the normal number when you are not pregnant) in a couple weeks. Every week I went in and every week it dropped a little. It was taking longer than they thought so the doctor had me come in every other week instead. One week in October (I think, it seems so long ago) the nurse called to tell me that my hormone level had gone up, not a good thing. I hadn't been the best about taking the birth control pills so there was a chance that I could be pregnant but that was quickly deemed not the case when I went in for yet another blood test. After that they took my blood (again, I think I almost ran dry) and sent it to Marshfield. The docs there were looking for something (insert medical jargon here) in my blood that would make my hormone level appear high and they thought they found something. So next my blood was sent to the Mayo Clinic (yay roadtrip!) and they said there wasn't anything there. Huh. So all this time I am putsing around my house and waiting and waiting because my doc said it I would get the result in ten days. Riiiight. A month later they finally got back to me with the results (they hadn't told me it got sent off to Mayo too so I didn't know what was taking so long)only to tell me that they were inconclusive. ... NOT what I wanted to hear. But I put on my polite Tahnee voice and uh-huh'd and okay thanks!'d my way off the phone. And then called my mom to complain :) Luckily she was just as frustrated about the whole thing as I was, so thanks again for listening mom! :) Next I made an appointment with my doc (Dr. Ming Huang who is absolutely amazing even if he is a bit hard to understand) and went in to (finally) talk about what was going on. Turns out that we won't really know what's going on until I get more tests done. Sigh. But it's all good because at least I know what the plan of attack is now! Tomorrow I go in for an ultrasound (I don't really know what they are looking for, probably doctor-y stuff I guess) and then on the 28th I go in for another D&C. After that I wait for the results of the sample from the D&C. They are looking for cancer (yikes the big C word!!!!), which would explain why my pregnancy hormone went back up, the mole would be growing back. If they do find cancer then I'll meet back with the doc to see what's next and if they don't find cancer then they will probably just have to keep doing more tests to figure out why my level is going up (though I am just guessing here). SO. That is what has been going on in my life lately.
Oh, and Ryder got his top two teeth in (he looks adorable!!) and has four more on the way. He is getting so big!! He can point to his ears, nose, mouth etc. when I ask him to (mostly anyway) and his vocabulary is growing every day! His newest additions are "clock" "doggie" "tree" and "buck" among others. About the last word listed...yes, I do know that I am raising a lil Yooper :] Lately he has been obsessed with kicking his soccer ball around the house and climbing on the chairs. He also LOVES the Christmas tree and is always taking ornaments off of it or putting his toys on it :] Seriously he is just growing so fast! He babbles all day long, to me, the dog, himself, or his toys and it sounds like he's actually saying something but just in a different language. He loves to "talk" on my phone too. He picks it up and puts it in the vicinity of his ear and says "Hi, dad!" haha it is just too cute :) So, with all the stress of the last couple months, Ryder has really been helping me through it all! And you have too mom, I don't know what I would ever do without you! Anyway, that's all for now...further updates as events warrant! :]

a few pics from Ryder's birthday

Birthday boy!!

Today my little boy is ONE!! It's so hard to believe that a year ago today I had our beautiful baby boy! We had his birthday party a couple days early because my mom and sisters were coming up. I started looking up party ideas about a month before and I found the PERFECT one! I found a picture of a cake inspired by the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar and right away I knew it was the one :) I made the cake out of a Bundt cake cut in half and put back together to form an 'S' shape. I used three different shades of green frosting for a slightly striped look and frosted the head red, using frosting for the eyes and mouth and two dumdum suckers for the antennae. I also made twelve cupcakes and, with frosting, drew pictures of some of the food the caterpillar ate and other things related to the book. I also made a Happy Birthday banner out of construction paper, which turned out well! I was so glad to have my mom and sisters up to help me, especially since this was my first ever birthday cake. The party went off without a hitch and mostly importantly no tears! I was a little worried because Ryder was starting to get a little crabby right before the party but once people started showing up he was just happy to be the center of attention. His favorite part of the whole party was probably the two helium balloons followed closely by getting to eat a big piece of cake all by himself! (he made such a mess!!)
On his actual birthday (today) Ryder had a doctors appointment were he got 6 shots! Poor guy, I felt so bad for him! While he was getting the shots he was just bawling and looking at me like 'why are you letting them hurt me?!' I almost cried myself! After he got the shots the nurse tried to smile at him and say hi but he kept pushing her away and shaking his head. It was actually kind of funny because he looked like a big kid with an attitude! But he soon forgot all about that and for the rest of the day we read books and played with his new toys. He even let me rock him to sleep for his nap! He has been starting to cuddle less and less now that he is becoming so independent so I gladly rocked and sang him to sleep. He was starting to look a little sleepy when he just climbed up on my lap and snuggled his face in my neck. I just love that feeling when he is all snuggley and warm and singing himself to sleep in my arms. After he fell asleep, I stayed rocking him for a little while longer, just looking at him and thinking about all that has happened this past year and how he has grown from a tiny newborn to a busy little toddler. Later, we all went to Grandma Hyrkas' for supper and cake (an awesome Winnie the Pooh one!). I hope Rydes doesn't start thinking that every year he is going to get two birthday parties!
It still hasn't sunk in all the way that RYDER IS ONE so I will have to write more later when it does, though I think I may be in denial :)

My baby is almost ONE!

Wow, I cannot believe that Ryder is going to be ONE YEAR OLD in a couple days! It feels like he was just born a couple months ago! Though I am considerably more rested than back then. :) This last year has certainly been quite the ride, from the first few panic-stricken hormone-crazy euphoric days to the where-did-my-little-baby-go feeling that I have now and everything in between. Yesterday, I was playing peekaboo with Ryder and it just hit me...he's no longer a baby! (I always say this but I guess I never really got it until then) He walks and plays games, has a sense humor, "reads" books and babbles nonstop. The other day we were playing "How big is Ryder?" and he was giggling that perfect little kid giggle and my heart just melted. Then, later, he walked up to me holding a book and babbled to me like he expected me to understand. And even though there wasn't a single understandable word in what he had just said, I understood him perfectly. How weird, I never knew I could speak baby :)
So, since the big "oh-one" is fast approaching, I need to start planning his party! Well, actually I have been planning it all month but I need to start put my plans in action!! I am thinking of doing a The Very Hungry Caterpillar themed party. (Why not go all out, right?) When I was looking up cake ideas I found one that looked pretty doable. Making a caterpillar cake out of a bundt cake pan? I can do that! (insert self deprecating chuckle here) And to top it all off, I decided to bake cupcakes and decorate them as the various things that the caterpillar eats in the book. And a "Happy Birthday" banner in the shape of a caterpillar. And now I am officially freaking out. I have a feeling that I am going to accomplish this all on "Tahnee Time" aka: I'm going to procrastinate but still hopefully manage to finish it all at the last second. Oh and have I mentioned that my house is a mess? I'm in the middle of organizing, which means I am making my house messier in hopes of somehow making it all clean and orderly. Yikes. But hopefully my mom and sisters will be up in time to work their magic and help me decorate the cake!! I am so excited that Ryder is turning one, but at the same it's so crazy that a year has passed already! Wish me luck! :]

summer's over :(

I think I can now officially say that summer is over. :( College is back in session and the warm weather is long gone (but then again it is the U.P. so it could be 90 degrees tomorrow!). It's been sweatshirts and pants for the last couple days and it feels like fall! I have to say I am kind of excited for fall, if only because Ryder has a ton of cute sweatshirts and some cute hats! :] This weather has gotten me thinking about Halloween and Christmas and, of course, Ryder's 1st birthday! Wow I cannot believe that he is almost ONE! I swear he was born just a month of two ago! Sometimes I just look at him trying to walk around in his big boy clothes and think "where's my little baby??" It doesn't help that I gave him his first haircut yesterday so he looks like a toddler now, not a baby! I wanted to wait until maybe November to cut his hair but it's so long and was always hanging in his eyes so I finally cut it. :( And, for the record, I do NOT know how to cut hair! John's hair is so thick and curly that if (I mean When) I make a mistake it's pretty much hidden. Not so with Ryder's hair! Oh well it was my first time cutting it and he was pretty squirmy as always :)
At the end of this month I am heading downstate with Ryder for about a week and I can't wait! Though that means that he will be one month closer to being one! hmmm... <3

whew!

Whoops I haven't written anything in a while! Must be because I've been so busy... or more like because Ryder has been so busy! I swear he gets into EVERYthing! He is steadily mastering the art of walking and with it causes more trouble than I ever could have imagined! Instead of buying baby gates (like I should have!) I have two chairs from our kitchen laying across the entrences to the kitchen and dining room from the living room. It's easy enough for John and I to step over but has always kept Ryder out. Until now. He has started to climb everything so one day he climbed the chair and landed face first in the kitchen. Ouch. He did that once more but then seemed to learn his lesson on that one. Now he simply pulls it away until he can crawl by. Hmm I never thought of that! When I first put them there he was just starting to crawl and it was so hard to imagine him being big enough to get by them. Well what do you know that day is here! So now I have more baby-proofing to do! Our house is now full of Ryder-traps: chairs pushed against the walls so he can't get at the outlets (he pulls the covers off because we have crooked old outlets), the toy box in front of the bathroom so he can't get at the toilet again (actually he just climbes over that but it's still there to give us a 2 second heads up before he goes over), my books packed to tightly that even I can't get them out on the top shelf of the bookcase (the bottom shelves hold his books, which he happily empties every day) etc. And STILL he manages to find stuff to get into! Everything in my house is on the verge of being banished to the second floor...oh wait on second thought he is forever tearing down the gate and making a break up the stairs anyway. No wonder I'm exhausted! I feel like all I do all day is chase after him! well I have to go...Ryder is trying to climb up my legs to get at the computer...!

ps any suggestions?!?

What a busy month it's been!

This July has been so incredibly busy! And yet it's only half over! My sister Jacey came to stay with us for three weeks this summer and I am so glad she came! I am so happy to be able to spend time with her again. I've missed her! I had big plans for the weeks she was here but most kind of fell through, as plans have a way of doing. But it has been so fun to just chat and hang out with her! She is so good with Ryder and has been such an incredible help since my miscarriage. I don't know what I'm going to do without her when she leaves! The house will feel so empty and I know that Rydes is going to miss being entertained by his Auntie Jacey! 4th of July weekend was a pretty busy weekend for us. John, Ryder, Jacey and I went to the Lake Linden fireworks on the 2nd, the parade on the 3rd followed by a picnic with the Hyrkas fam and then up to Copper Harbor on the 4th! We drove up Brockway Mtn. and walked around Copper Harbor. Then came the fireworks! They are so cool because they shoot them over the water and you have to look almost straight up to see them because they are right overhead. They are incredible! Of course Ryder slept through them (I don't know how, they were so loud!) as he has done with the last 3 firework shows we've been to (bridgefest, balloonfest, LL fireworks and then 4th of July). Ryder has been the busiest of us all. Just a couple days ago he stood on his own for the first time! For about ten heart-pounding(for me!) seconds! I was so excited and proud of him that I immediately called my mom to brag. She told me that he would be walking before I knew it. And what do you know, he took his first steps three minutes later! Jacey and I seriously screamed we were so proud!!! And that's not all. Just today he said his first words! (I KNOW!) We were at Wal-Mart and John was pushing the cart, which Ryder was sitting in. John turned away to look at an item on the shelf and Ryder looked right at him and very loudly and clearly said "Dada!" He then waited expectantly for a response. And a response he got! He has been babbling "dadada" for a while with some bababa's and motorboat sounds thrown in too but that was the first time he ever said it as an actual word. John's grin was from ear to ear :) I cannot believe how fast he is growing up! It is so amazing and a little scary; where has my baby boy gone? Even his personality has really took root and shows. He is such a busy little troublemaker! And his grins and kisses just melt my heart. I love my little guy! Now we are getting ready to go camping with the Kantolas. I've been waiting for this all summer and I'm so excited! If only the food would make itself, the house would clean itself, the car would pack itself, and the laundry would do itself! While I'm wishing I may as well wish for new carpet too... :]

Some bad news

As always, life has its ups and downs and I've had my share of both in the last couple of weeks. Finding out that I was expecting was so exciting. I could barely believe that I was going to soon be a mother of two! When you find out that you're pregnant you right away think of the end result, meeting that precious little baby in nine months. My pregnancy with Ryder was so trouble-free that I didn't even think anything could ever happen. So I was in total shock when I started bleeding. My heart literally jammed into my throat and my stomach dropped. I can't even begin to describe that feeling. The first thing I did was call my mom and I just started bawling. I know that it's not uncommon to bleed during a pregnancy but I just knew that something was wrong. Even just writing this I'm starting to tear up! I ended up going to the E.R. where they did an ultrasound. I felt so numb waiting for the doctor to come back with the results. John was thinking positive (as he always does :)...) but something felt wrong. When the doctor told us that we had lost the baby I started crying all over again. I kept thinking "I already knew it was going to be bad news so why am I reacting like this?" but to have my feelings confirmed meant that even the tiniest bit of hope that I had was now gone. I cried for the baby that had been lost and for the loss of the future that I had already started envisioning. Now, more than ever, I realize how blessed I am to have such a loving and caring family. If not for the support of my husband and mom and all my family and friends I would have been so lost in this trial. They have helped and are helping me accept my pain and move on. I know it's going to be a long journey. Being around people who are pregnant or just had a baby and hearing them talk about everything is really hard but I just smile because I truly am happy for them and I save my tears for later. I realize now what a miracle pregnancy really is and I know that I am so unbelievably blessed that God has given me such a wonderful son already. Ryder is a happy, healthy, growing little boy. What more can I ask for?

Ryder's going to be a big brother!

In February! We just found out and are so excited! The news got out a little sooner than I had planned but at least now I have an excuse for being so tired and cold all the time! It's actually a gorgeous day outside (the first one in a while) and here I am all bundled up in a sweatshirt, pants and slippers! It is so crazy to think that I will soon be a mother of two! Hopefully these nine months go by faster than last time. With Rydes moving around and getting into mischief I'm sure I will keep busy :) The little guy is now an expert crawler and is now trying to conquer walking along furniture, yikes! Seriously, he learned to crawl in like 2 weeks and then right away he started to stand up using furniture and now he's trying to walk along it. Wow!
Ryder's personality is really starting to show. He is such a ham! He loves to pose for the camera and he knows just when to give you a crinkle-eyed smile or a big slobbery kiss! He babbles all day long and always wants attention :) In my efforts to keep him entertained I've pulled out every trick in the book. Pots and pan, check. Hairbrush, check. Water bottles, hats, spoons and cell phones, check. The list goes on and on! His new infatuation is babies. Babies in magazines, babies in the store or in books. Even just the word "babies" is enough to set off the grins and giggles! So yesterday I put my seldom-used creative thinking cap and had an idea! I cut out pictures of babies from all my old parenting magazines and "laminated" them using clear packaging tape. And voila! His new favorite toy came into existence. So far today we've played with the babies, ate some banana puffs, splashed in the bath for like and hour, and talked ourselves silly. Now that's a day well spent!

nachos

Today I was eating lunch (nachos, yumm!) in the living room while Ryder was playing on the floor and our dog Toby was taking a nap on the couch. A couple chips in I happened to glance down and what do I see? Ryder and Toby side by side on all fours looking up at me hungrily, eyeing up my nachos. They just kept staring at me so I said loudly,"My nachos!" just to set the record straight. Toby barked. Ryder cried.

I ended up having to go give Toby some more dog food and having to comfort Rydes for a while. Needless to say my nachos were cold before I could finish them.

lets talk about funny stories

This one happened a while ago but I was just thinking about it today. One of the first times John, Ryder and I came downstate to visit after Ryder was born I was nursing Rydes in the living room and I had this conversation with one of my youngest brothers...
bro :"What's Ryder doing?"
me "ummm nursing"
bro: "what's that?"
me: "wellll um he's eating."
bro: "is he sucking on your tummy?"
me: "...um"
bro: "Oh! I know! He's sucking on your tummy because you forgot to bring his food!"
me: dies of hysterical laughter

another one that happened around the same time with the same little bro....
bro: "Is Ryder the same baby that was in your belly?"
me: "yep"
bro: "well how did you get him out?"
me: "well, uh. I, uh, went to the doctors." (I was all proud of myself for thinking up such a good answer at this point)
bro: "but then how did you get him out?"
me: "the doctors helped me?"
bro: "no but how?"
me: "umm go ask mom."
bro: "but Ryder is your baby, how did you get him out?"
me: "uh ask mom. Oh look an airplane!!!"
bro: "where?!?!"
me: "whew"

wow 6 months!

I can hardly believe that lil Ryder is 6 months old now! I remember when I thought six months old was big, but that was before it was my little boy who was growing up because he is definitely still a baby! It is always such a relief to go to his checkups and hear that he is still growing at a good pace (17 lbs 6 oz, 27.5 inches). It's nice to get feedback on his eating habits, which we both just made up as we went along! Starting baby food wasn't as big a fight as I thought it would be. I remember trying to feed my younger siblings baby food and it always seemed like such a chore. It took forever and made such a mess! With Ryder it's no big deal, he loves food! That kid is just like his dad... :) He even finished a container of green beans on his second encounter with the new taste. Brave little dude, I would never eat something that slimy looking and that gross smelling! Of course I spooned it in his mouth with a smile and a big "yummm!" I don't even feel bad for bragging on this one because I definitely deserve to have a good eater when he is such a terrible sleeper! Now I hope I'm not jinxing myself...!
As scary as it can be watching him grow so fast, it is also a new adventure every day. Watching him learn to move around on the floor and hearing him babble new sounds at me makes my heart honestly swell with pride. There are just no words to describe it! Every accomplishment I have ever made and been proud of diminishes next to how I feel at his every tiny step forward. It is so amazing how completely my life revolves around the little rascal. Every time he smiles, laughs, babbles and gives me "hugs and kisses" makes all the frustrating times totally worth it! Wow look at me getting all emotional! I guess that is what being a mother is all about :) Speaking of mothers my first Mother's Day is fast approaching! I can't wait to see my side of the family again and to show off how much Ryder has grown!
oh and garage saleing, can't wait for that either! :]

our little mover and spring cleaning

Ryder has started moving! He rolls all over, sits up and can scoot backward (but not forward yet) when he's on his stomach. It's so crazy! He is already five months old and it feels like just yesterday he was born. It's so fun now that he can sit up and play with toys, he can kind of amuse himself better. I say "kind of" because he always wants me to sit and entertain him anyway. It's pretty pathetic feeling when I realize that I've spent all day playing and talking to a five month old who can't talk yet. John comes home from work and I have to take precaution not to say "ohhahh bababa".... :) And now that Ryds rolls over everytime he's on his back it's made bedtime even worse. Every time I lay him down, he rolls on his stomach and starts crying. Just when I thought that he was going to start sleeping better! Well at least I know that he will sleep when he's a teenager, waking up at the crack of noon.
On a totally different subject, John and I reorganized our kitchen! We bought a stackable washer and dryer when our washer broke and now I have a "laundry" room! It feels so nice to have a quiet washer, one that I can actually wash clothes and hear myself think at the same time! It's also so nice to have the washer out of the kitchen (it used to be next to our stove...yuck)! Now we have another cabinet and more counter space. So we reorganized the kitchen and cleaned out the closet in the laundry room to use as a pantry. Once I was on the ball I decided to rearrange our living room too. We needed to have a bigger space in the middle of the room now that Ryder can roll around. So our spring cleaning is well on its way but nowhere near done! Hopefully I'll get back on the ball before summer starts! :)

spring is here!

Finally! The snow is gone (mostly) and the breeze was actually warm today, spring is here! Everyone says that the cold is coming back but I'll just be the optimist here and hope that's not true. Ryder and I were outside for most of the day enjoying the warm temp..could have used some sunshine but I'll settle for clouds I guess! John and I took a walk through the neighborhood after supper and I carried Rydes in my moby wrap...I love that thing! It took me a while to figure it out and gain confidence using it but now it's so easy to go for a walk on a whim without having the hassel of wrestling the stroller out of the porch. Ryder loves it too! He laughed and kicked his feet the whole time, especially when the wind was blowing in his face :) He's the kind of kid who always wants to be held so the moby wrap really saves my arms...he's getting so big! It's so hard to believe that he's five months old already, time has flown! Or else I'm just so sleep deprived its all passed in a blur. He is starting to sit up on his own mostly but he's still a little tippy. He also rolls and wiggles all over the floor now and at night he flops all over his crib. It's pretty amazing how much he has learned in a couple weeks! It seems like everyday he does something new. I love watching him learn and grow but there are times when I miss the little newborn who would actually sleep when I layed him down!

Rain and Giggles

There's nothing quite like falling asleep to the sound of rain falling. It's so soothing, snuggled under the covers, listening to my baby's soft breathing and the gentle patter of raindrops on the window. It's a sure sign of spring when the water washes away the snow and the world outside is wiped clean for a brand new day.

another extraordinary moment...
Sitting on the couch, making faces at Ryder to make him laugh. That adorable giggle just makes my day, I would (and do!) do anything to hear it. His big blue eyes crinkle up in a smile and that wonderful sound of pure happiness bubbles out. Who would have thought the best part of my day would be making fish lips at the little dude? :]

busy day today!

A new thing Ryder has started...taking naps with me! When he's being...um, let's see...inconsolable, he calms down if I lay down next to him. Which works for me! I got in a half hour nap today :) Heather stopped by with two girls she babysits for today. I sure had a blast having more energy in the house and Rydes loved watching the girls. It won't be long before he can join them crawling around on the floor! He actually woke up from his nap talking instead of crying...and that's always a good sign! I still have to study for my Abnormal Psych midterm but it's so hard to study when my little dude is just smiling and babbling away at me! So I still have to study and I also have to pack (we are leaving to go downstate tomorrow). Between studying, packing, school and lunch with the girls (I know, what a hardship) I have one busy day ahead of me! Better go start procrastinating...

I finally did it!

I've been talking about starting a blog forever and today is the day I finally did! Thanks to everyone who helped with the title, I majorly blanked when I had to pick one! I would love to write more but I've gotta run...Ryder is trying to burst my eardrums :) time to wrestle with some more rice cereal!